More on trusting

All this trusting stuff is quite timely! I think for a lot of us right now, with illnesses, family situations and economic concerns, trust is becoming a big issue. Sometimes you just have to learn lessons all over again.

I got this email from my friend Jennifer the other day, and she gave me permission to share it.


"Just thought I would pass this along. As you know, the last few days I've been discouraged. I've felt somewhat like I was just going in circles with no clear direction at all. But God is so good to show Himself to me when I ask. Yesterday at Bible study, Donna (our pastor's wife) was teaching on Jesus being tempted in the wilderness. I had never noticed before that the Spirit led him into the wilderness. Jesus had just come from being baptized in the Jordan. He was being obedient and doing everything right, but the Spirit led him into the wilderness anyway. I automatically think I did something wrong or was disobedient when something happens to upset my little world. Perhaps we should have taken this path instead. Maybe James should have done something differently. (note - Jennifer's husband James recently lost his position and is in the interview process right now - Paula). However, God showed me that our "wilderness" right now is a direct result of Him putting us here because He wanted us to learn to trust Him completely. In the wilderness, we have two choices. We can tempt him by worrying about the outcome. Or we can trust Him to provide in His time. Just like He did with Elijah. God didn't move Elijah until the brook was completely dry. And the amazing thing to me is that Elijah stayed there waiting. If it had been me I would have sat and watched that brook get lower and lower and worried the whole time trying to figure out a plan B. But God already had a plan in place for taking care of him. It was a widow woman and her child and a small amount of flour and oil. Amazing! Nothing happens in our lives that is a surprise to Him, and nothing happens in our lives that He cannot or will not use to conform us into His image. And best of all, nothing happens in our lives that is not a direct part of His plan or purpose in not only conforming us to His image, but in glorfying Himself.



And this is a devotional that she attached to the email:
What Is God Saying? Part 1

Sometimes it is good to take time to remember and reflect. I wrote the following in the year 2000 under the title "What God Has Been Saying To Me. " As I read back over it recently, it is amazing how timely this is for 2009. I said at the time that I did want to waste the lessons of the journey. So I am inviting you to join me and reflect on these core truths.

God is HUGE!
In the little glimpses he gives me as he draws back the veil, sometimes I am absolutely without words, speechless, dumbfounded, and overcome. He is so much bigger than we have ever experienced or can possibly conceive with our finite minds.

Stay low and stay close.
This attitude reflects a heart of humility before God and sensitivity to his gentlest whisper. This is the place of brokenness, repentance, and seeking God. It is meekness, bridled strength, the humility of wisdom, having no agenda but God's. It is surrender and devotion, essential for hearing God. The only desire is to please him. When we think we have the victory, beware! There is great danger in thinking we are standing tall and strong (1 Cor. 10:12). Pride goes before a fall. God is stripping us naked, allowing us no covering but himself. He will not allow us to walk in anything but him. Only his life bears life.
Another area of staying low and staying close is spiritual warfare. In time of war, a soldier doesn't move without the command of his commanding officer. One step of presumption will be disastrous.

God is radically changing the way we ! depend o n him. God has been saying, "Stay behind me." I protested, "But God, don't you always tell your friends what you are doing?" He said, "Yes, and I am telling you that you will not be able to know what I'm doing. You know nothing about trusting me. Stay behind me. And don't peek!" I did not want to accept this. My lack of trust had to be refined. Something in me had to know, to do, to see, to understand. God calls it unbelief. I like flying by "visual flight rules." God has called us to submit to "flying on instruments" when we can't see where we're going. We must be convinced in the deepest places that we can trust him. We will depend on him fully only when we come to the end of ourselves. We must learn to more quickly get to the cross with our dependence. Radical Love won't let any person or any thing on earth meet my needs but him, so I won't trust in them.

As important as my trusting God is, he wants to know that he can trust me.
Paul said, "Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful" (1 Cor. 4:2). Our faithfulness to God in all things, great and small, matters to him. His truth and his righteousness are established in our lives practically and experientially, by being tested one obedience at a time, by learning and application, by training and discipline, in trial and warfare. He must keep my heart tuned to his, or I perish.

The bigger the vision, the deeper the death, but missing God costs more.
The cross of Jesus will sweeten any trial, difficulty, or roadblock. God knows what we need even when we don't (but think we do). We must learn to surrender our expectations of him that he perform according to our uncrucified agenda. The "new" requirement of God is the same as the old requirement: to come and die.

Bless and honor your authorities.
It has ne! ver been more important to bless and honor our authorities. The early church was told to trust God and honor the emperor (Matt. 17:25-27, Mark 12:14-17, Rom. 13:1-7). We honor the un-honorable because of their position, not their personality. If we take authority lightly, our prayers will be hindered. We reach for God on the other side of a closed heart and draw from him until he changes the heart. We rest in God's ability to deal redemptively with our authorities, and we get out of his way.

Now It's Your Turn

Take some time alone with God before your open Bible. Let him open up his heart to you in his Word, personally, between you and him. Prayerfully reflect on your life with him. What is he saying to you? Pause and let him review the traces of his hand in your life. Ask him for a word of direction or promise.


Taken from Prayer Essentials for Living in His Presence, Vol 1, page 19-21. © 2000 by Sylvia Gunter.

Available at www.thefathersbusiness.com. An archive of past devotionals is available on the website.

Loving and Trusting

One of my goals this year (I don't like the word "resolutions" - overdone)is to love people more. To judge them less, to open myself up to them, to love them.

Okay, I'm trying.

My ongoing life struggle has also been trusting God. Hence, the title of this blog. It is also my username on Sonlight Forum. It is my lifelong walk, always learning more to trust in Him.

And where is this going, you ask?

Well, I just finished a great book last night (okay, you saw that one coming, right?) titled "Why The Sky Is Blue" by Susan Meissner, who is fast becoming one of my favorite writers.

I'm not going to give you a synopsis, I'll be posting a review of what I read this month sometime soon. But here are a couple passages from the book that have stirred my heart.

"I want to learn how to look deep to see what people are really like. I want to be the kind of person who plunges past the surface and seeks to know the inner thougths of the people I am around. I want to see beauty in people like Cleo from the moment I meet them."

"I must be willing to meet God alone under His vast canopy of stars and see where the level of my trust starts and where it stops. If I am going to love people completely and at the heart of who they are, I am going to need to trust that God will watch over them the way He sees as best. Because loving people will cost me, and I need to be able to meet that price with trust so that I can enjoy love's best moments and endure the worst."

Where I am right now.

Getting rid of things......

I have been on a mission of late to "clean off" my bookshelves. If I just got rid of the ones I've actually READ I'd still have hundreds. So, some I posted on paperbackswap and bookmooch, others I have taken to Books Galore for credit (for more books, I know, I know........). A few I've given to my church for their library.

But I always have some I want to keep - usually a whole set of something. Like the Anne of Green Gables books, or Little House, or all the James Herriott novels. I like to collect some, like Pearl S. Buck novels.

And then there are the Diana Gabaldon books.

Confession time here. They are great, fabulous, engaging stories of time travel and romance. I started reading them a few years ago when I was introduced to them on the Sonlight Forums (Christian homeschool curriculum). I mean, these are the sort of books where you start reading (most are at least 700 pages) and you don't stop until you are done and you feed your family frozen pizza that week.

One problem. They are dirty. Bordering on pornographic in some parts. They are small parts, but there you go.

In the past, I have been convicted on things I have watched on tv, and I quit. When Friends got to be too much, it went off. We started off watching The Sopranos but that did not last long. I used to read lots of gory murder mysteries (Kiss the Girls, Kay Scarpetta, etc.)but reached a point where I could no longer read them. I have been very careful about what my boys read - even more than what they see on tv - because I remember books I read (when Mom wasn't looking) in junior high and younger, and those images have stayed with me all my life. You can go back and read the same page over and over, you know.

So anyway, by the time I got to high school I was pretty much done with the bodice-rippers historical romance stuff. And I haven't read much of it since. Just not interested.

But then you get to Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon. And I want to scream that it is SUCH a good story - WHY did she have to make it so smutty! And all these other Christian women are reading them, and discussing them. Joke - I asked one woman online how come we can read and talk about these books when we would NEVER recommend (or even mention them) to a lady at church? And she said it is because we don't have to see each other on Sunday morning.

Wow. Okay, this conversation was two years ago, and then I laughed. And now I am like......wow. How true. It is because we have no accountability.

Now, I am not such a prude that I will not read a book because it has some profanity. Life has some profanity. Sometimes reality is ugly and hard, and some of the great books have that. I can overlook some things for a really good story. Things that I don't think affect me. Hey, I've heard cussing before, reading some of it is not going to be an issue.

I haven't read the Diana Gabaldon books in a few years. They are just sitting on my shelf. I thought I'd read them again when the next one comes out. But they are on the top shelf of my bookcase, where the aren't bothering anyone. My mind right now is likening them to scorpions. We live in a very rocky area, and we get little (someimes big!) scorpions in the house, just like some folks get spiders. They hide, and generally, unless you turn on a light suddenly, or stick your hand somewhere without looking, you don't have to worry. Like shaking your shoes before you put them on if they've been left outside. You know. So, are those books, up on the shelf, sort of like scorpions?

The other night, my mind went to them, and suddenly a heard in my head (God?) saying, "If you consider those books to be pornographic, why do you have them in your house?"

Well, I really don't have a good answer for that, do I?

They are not on the shelf anymore. I listed them on paperbackswap and they got snapped up right away. So I've now spent about $15 on postage (I'm telling you, these are some THICK books!) to send them away. But, now I have credit to select new books.

So, I know this time of year, after we get all our Christmas goodies, and we are trying to make room for things, and we are stuck in the house, a lot of us turn to "de-cluttering". Especially we homeschoolers, who are in a rut and really looking forward to the NEW stuff we'll be getting at homeschool conferences this summer! But as we think about the things to get rid of, maybe there are other questions besides, "Do I use it - need it?" Maybe sometimes we should look at things as in, "What does God want me to have?"

Just some thoughts.

Still being flexible...

What a week. We have been doing art all week, and really enjoying it. We did paintings in the Impressionist style, and today Picasso-type drawings. Lots of fun. Studying about the early French settlers in Missouri (my family). As soon as it warms up the big guys and I are taking a field trip to Ste. Genevieve (Anita, do I hear you volunteering your day if I spring for lunch?).

Wednesday Henry was lighting matches in the bathtub. I did manage to get the yellow marks out of the tub.

Today Henry cut a big chunk of his hair off. Thank goodness it was in back.

Lest you think I am not paying enough attention to Henry......both times I was working with the older boys and THOUGHT he was well-entertained! And apparently he was, just not on the projects I had planned out. Never to young to start school I guess........(sigh).

Tonight Tony had practice with his Awana Bible Quiz team. He had a really good time - pizza fellowship with the other kids. He's at the age now where things are going on that don't require "Mom" to sit in. This was his first thing to do on his own, outside of church, where he didn't even have Ben. Sounds like it went great. It is amazing to watch them grow up. He will be eleven soon, and he is 5'1" and wears a size 7 shoe. And he is turning into a very nice, mature young man. I am so proud of him.

Being Flexible

A very typical day, in that my mantra is "In all things - be flexible!"

Around 3 a.m. Joey came in and woke me up to tell me Henry was sick. Henry was crouping, so I just picked him up and took him in the bathroom and turned on the shower. It only took about 10 minutes in the steam. But - nothing cures the croup - the only thing I've ever found that helps is oral steroids. For which you need a prescription. And a pediatrician visit. So......we did school this morning and got quite a bit done, and this afternoon I am taking Henry to the doctor. The other boys are going to my moms' house, and they have a little bit of art to finish. Then back home, quick dinner and out the door again to my homeschool meeting.

I'll tell you what - I love my family desperately, but there are days when I am counting the minutes until I can get with a group of my lady friends. Yesterday was one of them. We got home from church and I was so exhausted (Henry didn't want to go to the nursery, I had to teach our kindergarten SS class, and I was tired!) that all I could do was think about getting some work done and then heading out to take the boys to Awana and go to my Bible study. I came home last night feeling so refreshed, I could take on anything.

Even a steam bath with Henry at 3 a.m.

It is good for the pores, you know.....!

And tonight - meeting with the ladies for a time of sharing, prayers, learning, laughing, and then on to Steak and Shake for the "meeting after the meeting". Only once a month, and I do look forward to it.

More Valentine's......

And then I opened the refrigerator to pour milk for breakfast and there sat a big box of chocolate covered strawberries and two slices of chocolate covered cheesecake with strawberries.

Is this guy great or what?

Happy Valentine's Day!

We don't usually do a "big" celebration for Valentine's Day. The boys make Valentine cards every year for all their "girl relatives" - grandmas, aunts, cousins, great aunts, etc. This year we made foam hearts and decorated them with foam conversation hearts that said things like, "Faith", "Trust God", "Jesus Saves", "God Loves You", etc. So much nicer for Grandma to get that than one that says, "Hey Hottie!".

Nevin left for work about 5:30 this morning (is this guy dedicated, or what) and along our kitchen counter I found a vase with red miniature tulips and a card for me, and individual candies and boxes of conversation hearts for each of the boys. What a sweetheart I have married.

This afternoon I am going to make a Lemon Sponge Pie from a recipe that I found in Cook's Country, and we will have venison tenderloin for dinner, and maybe green bean casserole (homemade, not with a can of soup) and maybe baked potato. After the pie and venison the rest is sort of up in the air.

Isn't it interesting how all holidays somehow become about the food?????

So, anyway, my morning is off to a great start!