"Lord, make me a woman who loves."

"Lord, make me a woman who loves."

This has been an ongoing prayer.  I have always known that I am to love others, but I have been absolutely convicted for some time  that I need to truly LOVE people - that this is a glaring sin in my life, and the Lord keeps bringing it right in front of me.  I don't want to say, or even think, "...of course I love everyone, but there are some people that I just don't like," or any of that.  I think that is a cop-out.  I acknowledge that in practical terms there will be some people that I have more in common with, have mutual friends with, etc. And, I will probably spend more time in those peoples' company.  I will even admit that there are some people who are difficult to be around - for various reasons.  Is it okay to not hang around them?  Sometimes, I think.  If I am not able to respond to them in a Christ-like and loving manner, then maybe I should remove myself from the opportunity to sin.  Does that give me a pass, though?  NO.  The fact that I cannot respond to someone in a loving manner is not a reflection on THEM - it is a reflection on ME.  It is MY sin.

In every situation, I try to look at my role.  Sometimes this is easy.  Sometimes I can just note that I need repent and ask God to give me the supernatural ability to be more patient and loving.  Often, I can see where I was quick to judge and criticize (even if I don't say it out loud).  

Sometimes, though, it is difficult.  When I feel like someone has wronged me - especially when dealing with someone who is being passive-aggressive, where you know they are digging at you, but it is being done so subtly that you really can't call them on it.  That is the sort of thing that can feel like grit in your soul.  But what is my role in this?  Even if I did nothing to provoke it, I still have a role - my role is my response.  Do I get angry, and then go on a vent against them?  Do I turn it over (and over and over) in my head, sucking up my day with my grievances?   Do I pray for God to "fix" them?

Or do I turn to my Savior, and beg Him to take this anger from me, and to replace it with love and compassion. 

Honestly?  Sometimes the former, sometimes the latter.  But I want it to be the latter.  I want my actions and my thoughts to be glorifying to God.  You know what I really want?  I want for it to not even be an issue - to be so filled with love for my brothers and sisters that I don't even see their wrongs.  I want their "sandpaper" to rub me smooth.

 

I recognize that I am also sandpaper for others, but I am going to leave that for another post, on another day!

I am blessed to have a "slightly" older woman who holds me accountable.  We are close in chronological age, but she is years ahead of me in her walk with the Lord.  Last week during a prayer meeting she cried out to God to give her a heart to love people the way she should, the way He does.  This has been my own prayer, and when I heard it spoken out loud it became like a searing flash across my heart.  Oh Lord, how critical I am.  How easily offended I can be.  How impatient, and unloving.  Lord, let me see others as you see them.  As you have loved and forgiven me, let me love them.  Give me a compassionate heart, instead of a critical one.  Lord, if I see a brother or sister in sin, let me be grieved over it.  Let me take it to You, let me intercede for them.  Let me not tell others about it, or complain about it.  God, if you lead me to confront them, let it be done in humility, in love, not in self-righteousness.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.  In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.  In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

If anyone says, "I love God" and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.  And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

1 John 4:7-12, 20-21  ESV

On Accountability and the Friendship of Women

This post is in honor to my mom, Mary Katherine H., Andrea C., Tammy M., Laura A., Julia D., Becky H., Susan V., Angel B., Sherri E., Faith S. and the long list of women (not all of whom were older, a nod to Angel!) who have walked, and continue to walk, with me. Thank you for your friendship and your honesty.



Who do we choose as our closest friends? Do we choose those who lift us up, challenge us to be our best, and admonish us when we sin? Or do we take the easy route – find casual companions with whom we can be our “worst”? Do we choose to spend our time with those who by their participation encourage us in gossip, complaining, coveting or any other sin? Well?

There is a difference between friends and acquaintances. By friend, I do not mean Facebook Friend. While those lists may contain your close friends, I do not believe that anyone has over 400 people that they can share their hearts with. Most of us are lucky to have two or three our entire lives.

A true friend should be the ones who are willing to gently admonish you when they see you falling into a sinful pattern. But – they should not leave it there. It is no service to a sister to point out the specks (or logs) in her eye and then leave her to her sin. A true friend then encourages, uplifts, and covers you in prayer.

If I am in a friend relationship with someone who encourages me in sin, then I need to examine that. If this is someone that I consider a close friend, then I have made a poor choice in friendship. If it is a casual relationship, then I need to be on-guard and aware. I need to make an effort to lead all conversations to areas that are encouraging and Christ-honoring.

I would also recommend having a woman in your life that you can be held accountable by – someone that you respect enough to go to and to LISTEN to. If you are in a situation where you do not have such a person, you may want to examine that.

Are you in a church/faith family where you have no one that you would be willing to be held accountable to? Why?

Is there no one among your acquaintances that you respect enough to be held accountable by? Why not? Who are you surrounding yourself with?

And I hate to say it, but…….if you cannot find anyone that you respect enough to hold yourself accountable to them, are you perhaps esteeming your own self too highly? Surely there is someone out there who knows more than you and can teach you.

While my mother has been my guide, especially when I was a child, I have gone through several stages of accountability in my adult life. I have had several Godly women who took me under their wing when I was saved in 1993. They taught me how to live, how to love and respect others, how to follow God’s leading. Later, when I found how lacking I was in Bible knowledge, God led me to a lady who became a dear friend and who also taught me how to read the Bible, starting with baby steps. I had another dear lady who taught me about Biblical scholarship, the need to study and learn, to know my Bible and doctrine, preparing myself not to be puffed up with knowledge but to be able to teach when called.

Later, there have been others. There are women who have gone before me in child-rearing and homeschooling, whose example I have followed, and whose phone lines I have burnt up in distress. I have seen those women with God-honoring marriages, who speak respectfully of their husbands, never with put-downs or coarse jokes. These I have watched and try to emulate. And now there are those, as I approach (okay, as I have entered!) mid-life, who are gently leading me to my own role as the older woman, that I may be an encouragement to others. It is so humbling to see my sins become apparent, but so gracious of God to provide those who will hold me accountable in that, who are willing to say things that I may not like. Who are willing to give of their time (a precious commodity) and serve their Lord by instructing me and others.

So, what is a friend? Who do you call friend? And more importantly – who out there can call YOU friend?

That's right - a true friend challenges you on all sorts of levels!
Love you, Betty!

KILL ANGER BEFORE IT KILLS YOU OR YOUR MARRIAGE

This devotion is from John Piper's book Life As A Vapor.  I think we all deal with anger at some point - I was very convicted of this not only in how I should deal with those who make me angy, but in looking at those things that I may be (am!) doing to cause anger in others.  So often I think it is easy for us as Christians to hear these verses, and then turn our focus on to that "sandpaper" person who rubs us the wrong way.  But oftentimes we can forget (or choose to ignore) that we are ourselves sandpaper to someone else.
Paula


In marriage, anger rivals lust as a killer. My guess is that anger is a worse enemy than lust. It also destroys other kinds of camaraderie. Some people have more anger than they think, because it has disguises. When willpower hinders rage, anger smolders beneath the surface, and the teeth of the soul grind with frustration.

It can come out in tears that look more like hurt. But the heart has learned that this may be the only way to hurt back. It may come out as silence because we have resolved not to fight. It may show up in picky criticism and relentless correction. It may strike out at persons that have nothing to do with its origin. It will often feel warranted by how wrongly it has been treated. After all, Jesus got angry (Mark 3:5) and Paul says, Be angry and do not sin” (Eph. 4:26).
However, good anger among fallen people is rare. That’s why James says, “Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God require” (James 1:19-20). And Paul says, “Men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling” (1 Timothy 2:8). “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you” (Eph. 4:31).

Therefore, one of the greatest battles of life is the battle to “put away anger,” not just control its expressions. In invite you to join me in this battle by adding these nine biblical weapons to your arsenal.

1. Ponder the right of Christ to be angry, by how He endured the cross, as an example of long-suffering. “For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you. Leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.” (1 Pet. 2:21).

2. ponder how much you have been forgiven, and how much mercy you have been shown. “Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (E[h 4:32).

3. Ponder your own sinfulness and take the beam out of your own eye. “Why do you see the speck that is in your bother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye’, when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matt 7:3-5).

4. Ponder how harbored anger gives place to the devil. You do not want to make room for him or invite him into your life, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Eph 4:26-27).

5. Ponder the folly of your own self-immolation, that is, the numerous de4trimental effects of anger to the one who is angry- some spiritual, some mental, some physical, and some relations. “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD , and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones” (Prov 3:7-8).

6. Confess your sin of anger to some trusted friend, and if possible, to the offender. This is a great healing act. “therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (James 5:16).

7. Let you anger be the key to unlock the dungeons of pride and self-pity in your heart and replace them with love. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy of boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Cor 13:4-7).

8. Remember that God is going to work all your frustrating circumstances for your good as you trust in His future grace. Your offender is even doing you good, if you will respond with love. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). “count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:2-4).

9. Remember that God will vindicate your just cause and settle all accounts better than you could. Either your offender will pay in hell, or Christ has paid for him. Your payback would be either double jeopardy or an offense the cross. (emphasis added by Paula). “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord’” (Romans 12:19). “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting (his cause) to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23).

Father, I love Your patience toward me. I love it when You describe Yourself as slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

Oh, to be more like You!

Have mercy on my easily angered heart!

Forgive my many peeves and murmuring.

Grant that I would be saturated with grace, and let me show it to others as I desperately need it for myself.

Because of Jesus,

Amen