Like everything else with me, there is a story behind the name of my blog. You ready?
I had what I called "trust issues" with God. I know now a big part of that was that I thought I was saved for years, lived an unregenerate life, and wondered how come I had so many problems. Even after the Lord saved me in 1993, it took years for me to understand His grace, and what He had done. It took years for my pride to finally be demolished enough for me to understand that it was nothing I did - not that walk down the aisle, not the baptism, not even the re-dedications. None of that mattered, those were all my own work, trying by the force of my will to be good. And not good to be pleasing to God, but good so that my life would be easier, and maybe for the admiration of man as well. But, I could not live like a Christian because I was not one. I was not saved. A little aisle walking after an emotional experience does not equate salvation. Salvation is a work of the Lord, who brings a person dead in their sins to life. How can a dead man decide to come to life?
It actually wasn't until a little over a year ago (5/30/11, actually), sitting in the pew at Rockport Baptist Church (as a visitor, even), holding the cup during the Lord's Supper that it finally hit me, the things that had been starting to come together over the last few years, and had begun to explode in my mind and heart that spring. The Lord opened my eyes to the work He had done, and when he did it. And that all my years of trying to make myself good enough, and worthy enough, of praying during Lord's Supper and gripping that little cup so tightly, "getting right with God" was of no avail. I am not good enough on my own. My righteousness comes from Christ alone.
But I digress.
About 2005 or so I got involved in a homeschool forum, Sonlight. On that forum, you had to have a username, of course. People had very descriptive names, and I wanted one that described me and my walk. So, I became Learning To Trust. LTT, to my friends in Lifelong Learners and Bibliovores. That is where I was - I was learning to trust God. I was starting to explore WHY I believed what I believed, and study scripture to see what it actually said in context, and not what some cherry-picked verses in a Sunday School quarterly said. I learned from all kinds of apologists - Roman Catholic, especially. Can I say something here about those Roman Catholic women? I know that sometimes RCs get a bad rap about not knowing their Bibles, but I have to tell you, these ladies who had converted to RC as adults knew their Bibles and their church doctrine frontwards and backwards. I don't agree with them, but I would never disparage their scholarship, they are head and shoulders above me. But I am gaining...! Anyway, it was at this time that I was also introduced to the Doctrines of Grace, and begun studying as much as I could.
So, long story (I said it would be, didn't I?) that brings us to now, today. I am no longer Learning to Trust. I have learned to trust. I am learning more about God and His plans each day, about the incredible work He has done, and this amazing Bible He gave us. I see more and more each day His hand in my life, and the life of those around me. And I see so clearly what I was saved out of.
So, now I trust. Perhaps this should be called "Learning About God" or "Trying to Understand God" because my understanding falls so short. But right now, I am so filled with gratitude. I have a life that was redeemed by the sacrifice of Christ. He has saved me. He has forgiven me. Not of my own works, but through his kind mercy. And I want anything I do, even this little blog, to always reflect that gratitude.
Redeemed how I love to proclaim it, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb!